Every few weeks, Karen and I fail to create a menu for the week which results in meals that are not always well thought out.  During those weeks I feel like we are surviving rather than thriving.  Usually around 5:00 PM, one of us will ask the other in a hungry, tired, depressed tone of voice, “What’s for dinner?”  Since hunger has already started attacking our stomachs, we forgo the effort of making something healthy or tasty and just scrounge through our cupboards trying to find something that LOOKS edible.  When even that fails to turn up a decent meal, I must rely upon my many years of survival training during my bachelor years to feed the family and get us through to the next day.

My first training in the art of quick and tasty, yet unhealthy meal preparation was provided by my father.  When mom was tired of cooking or out for the night, it was dad’s turn to cook and that meant one thing (because I think there was only one option)…toasted cheese sandwiches and Campbell’s tomato soup!  After getting married, I observed that my father-in-law has a similar talent for fixing meals quickly through the use of the microwave and frozen TV dinners.  I assume that most fathers have a similar ability.

Since the family was on the verge of collapse due to hunger, I went to the pantry and sought the help of my tried and true companion, the food that has supported nearly every college student, a food that must be nutritious ’cause how could so many college students subsist on it for 4 years without there being any serious and lasting health problems, the always quick and easy to prepare: Top Raman!  Luckily, I bought a case from Costco, which has served my family well for many years.  Although the expiration date showed August 2008, it cooked up just fine and tasted…well…like Raman.  To top it off, I nuked several hotdogs and dinner was served.  Judging by Adelle’s reaction, I know that this has become my signature daddy dish.

During the Christmas vacation, Karen and I had plenty of time to relax and enjoy life as well as get caught up on sleep we missed during the previous year. Unfortunately, we instead chose to stay up past midnight most nights and inflict mental punishment on ourselves by watching a series horrible 80's movies that I thought were AWESOME when I was younger.  Several of those movies were: Ice Pirates, North Avenue Irregulars, and Lady Hawke.  For no apparent reason, I decided to watch these movies and Karen willingly watched as well.  If you have seen any of these, it is quickly apparent that my judgment of movie quality was sorely lacking at 6 years of age.  In retrospect, a story [Ice Pirates] of their being pirates in space that rob and plunder for ice while fighting with swords is ridiculous and not sound.  Without pausing to actually consider the title of the movie, we watched it and that is 120 minutes of my life I will never have back.  Those minutes were COMPLETELY wasted.

After one of the nightly torture sessions, we started listing the various 80's movies we’ve seen and thought were awesome, but should probably avoid watching ever again.  We mentioned: Cool As Ice, ANY of the Herby the Love Bug movies, Condor Man, Krull, Rad, Dune, and Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure as well as its sequel.  After mentioning Bill & Ted’s, Karen exclaimed, “That movie changed my dad’s life!”  It turns out that this movie is responsible for ushering in the era of hip vocabulary to the Grish household.  It shifted the Grish’s from mundane 70's words such as “drat,” “shucks,” “fiddle sticks” to the trendy 80's slang  words: “dude,” “awesome,” and “excellent.”  I believe that this phenomenon didn’t just occur in the Grish household, but in much of Middle America.  I watched the movie almost every day during the summer break until it mysteriously disappeared.  I think my mom must have “accidentally” thrown it away like I recently did with one of Adelle’s most annoying toys.  Fortunately, due to that summer long training, I was able to quote nearly the whole movie during a special movie day at school in the fall!  Though a horrible actor, Keanu Reeves’ performance in this movie has had a profound effect on society by causing devastation of the American vocabulary for over 2 decades.

Tonight I learned an important lesson: a dishwasher tub WILL fit inside the front seat of my compact car (Saturn SL2 Sedan).  I am continually amazed at how versatile compact cars can be in transporting various objects from one point to another.  During the past 5 years, I have moved 6 chairs and 1 table (2 trips required), 1 recliner, 1 dishwasher tub, and a king sized mattress.  They have all fit IN my car during transport.  Though I have moved the objects, I don’t vouch for the safety of the method.

The story behind the dishwasher tub is as follows…Our previous dishwasher is/was ~25 years old and was ready for retirement.  After patiently watching craigslist for 2 months, I pounced on a new Maytag for ~$210, hauling included.  I purchased it on Monday and installed it on Tuesday, but this resulted in an old, worthless dishwasher sitting on my balcony.  I contacted the county trash removal company that services our condominium complex to schedule a pickup of the old dishwasher (city residents are allowed 2 large item pickups per year).  After mentioning an apartment number, the agent replied that this service isn’t provided to condominium owners and I would have to pay at least $35 to have the dishwasher removed.  $35!  I pay taxes in this city!  I pay for the trash removal service!  Since I am frugal and a Burnside, a solution immediately came to me…I would make the trash removal service take the dishwasher anyway.

As you may have already guessed, I dismantled the entire dishwasher.  One hour with a power drill, pliers, and a hammer resulted in the complete disassembly of the dishwasher.  I scattered the various parts that I couldn’t salvage into the many trash dumpsters in the complex.  I moved the dishwasher tub into my car tonight and I will place it in a dumpster tomorrow morning at 5:00 AM.  Is this wrong?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  But it has been a VERY fun project!  At least I am recycling it.